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TALKING TO THE PERSON WITH A
GAMBLING PROBLEM |
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If you have no one to talk
to, you can
chat free with
one of our 24/7 professionals,
They will help you. |
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If you are a
spouse, family member or friend of a person with a gambling problem, it is
only natural to want to help. You must be prepared, however, that the
individual may not be ready or willing to admit that he or she has a problem;
and a confrontation may not have the desired outcome. |
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While the gambling problem
may be affecting you negatively, you cannot simply make them stop.
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to take care of yourself that
will help you, the rest of the family and ultimately help the person with the
gambling problem, too. |
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Here are some things you
can do |
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Get informed |
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Gather information about how
gambling problems develop and about the necessary steps for recovery. If
family members wish to confront the person with a gambling problem, it is
important that they have support - both from professionals (counsellors) and
from information and material about gambling. |
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Don't hide the problem |
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Acknowledge the problem by
identifying it and naming it. When spouses, family members and friends try to
help by making excuses for the gambler or lending them money, they are really
just allowing the problem to continue. While giving in to the person's lies
and demands may seem easier, taking a firm stand will give the individual no
choice but to face their issues. Leave the responsibility and consequences of
the gambling to them. Let them know that you are willing to support them in
getting professional help. |
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Choose the right moment to
talk |
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If the person with a gambling
problem is expressing remorse about gambling or if they have just finished a
gambling episode, they may be more open to talking about the issue. If the
person rationalizes their actions, be prepared to bring up facts (i.e. missed
bills, work, etc.) or to end the discussion. It is also helpful to express
feelings from an "I" point of view (i.e. "I think that...") as this will make
the gambler less defensive and reduce the likelihood of arguments. If there is
a chance of violent or abusive behaviour, caution should be used to ensure the
safety and well-being of everyone involved. Get your support system in place -
this may be a family member, close friend, clergy or a helping agency. Assess
the situation to identify who may be helpful and accepted by your partner or
family member. |
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Negotiate and set firm
boundaries |
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Around issues such as your
expectations around future gambling (complete abstinence is usually
recommended once someone has had a problem with gambling), managing the family
finances, and meeting other household responsibilities. |
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Support the person in
making positive changes |
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Recognize and acknowledge
positive steps he or she is making and give praise for successfully staying
away from gambling. Realize that quitting any addiction is a difficult process
that can take time. Remember to talk to the person with a gambling problem
about how his or her recovery is progressing and ask how you can help. |
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Get help for yourself |
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Many families are involved in
similar situations and finding a safe place to share feelings and sort through
emotions can be a tremendous help. Even if the person with a gambling problem
chooses not to seek help, family members can get support to make their
situation better |
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Remember that change takes
time |
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It takes hard work and
commitment to change one's own behaviour. It may take several times before the
person is able to successfully change their behaviour. A relapse is when a
person falls back into their old pattern of behaviour - gambling. This may
occur when the person has difficulty coping with stress. It is important to be
able to identify the triggers of stress and learn coping strategies to deal
with them. It may mean avoiding gambling venues and friends that gamble. It is
possible to get back on track, knowing that it takes one day at a time for
change to be successful. |
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